I've been out of commission for the last few weeks. My brother came to visit and we headed into Botswana and Zambia for a very good time. Today I fly back to NYC. It's actually very difficult to consider and identify. My first blog entry here discussed the fact that I had very few expectations. I was just leaving myself open to the possibilities and going from there. Heading back to the states is a bit different; I've lived there, call it home, and am excited to see friends and family. There's something familiar, not different, at the end of this plane flight, and it's quite confusing to consider as I sit here in a friend's home, in Joburg, as comfortably as I will sit in a friend's apartment tomorrow in New York. I guess in the end, the thing I really never expected was the 'sameness' of the experience. Leaving friends I've made here now is as rough as leaving the friends I left in the states 10 months ago. Leaving a project half finished is just as rough, personally and professionally, as leaving one in the states (it's actually more difficult professionally, so unsure of the next steps without someone 'moving into my desk' the day I leave.) Leaving a place you call home will always be leaving a place you call home. I've called Dennilton home since January, when, after a two week vacation I was excited as the kilometers became fewer and fewer until we pulled off the tar road, and beat the bumpy path the last two kilometers, past the outdoor kitchen and offices, past the performance center, and down to the little green house. It was home then, a relief to see and feel. It was home until a few weeks ago, when David, my brother, was able to experience where I'd been living. He was there for the goodbyes, the singing, laughing, tears. As he slept I packed until 3am, and at 8am we were pulling away from home. It's been a few weeks now since I've been in Dennilton. After our trip, I knew it would be too rough to return for a day or two, so I've been in Joburg, hanging out with a different set of friends. These friends play ultimate frisbee; one is a professor of science here in Joburg. They're well off. They're white. They've been to the states. They can talk Obama and McCain (it's everywhere... run). they follow European football, not the Chiefs and Pirates. They have cars and jobs and insurance and, and, and... The whole time I've been here I've juggled these two worlds, white and black is the easy way to say it, in this polarized country. I've loved them both very much; though have constantly been pained by the polarization between the two. The issues in this country are too complex, too varying, to judge. I gave up on opinion making a long time ago. I just listen and observe with curiosity. I'm leaving today, and I'm thankful that I'm not a permanent resident of this country. Anytime I considered the difficulties here I was also able to remember that I'm leaving, that I'm nothing more than an observer. The issues here are going to go on for a very long time, there is no one answer for any of them. I was very happy to help my friends in Dennilton, and I'll continue to do so; not because of some political impulse or stark opinion. I'll continue to work with the people in Dennilton only because they're my friends and are very special to me. All of the other 'saving the world' mumbo jumbo was lost on me a long time ago. They have a project to build and I'm their architect, more or less. I'm very thankful that I had the opportunity to experience Dennilton. It's a beautiful place with wonderful people. I highly recommend a long term visit. I hope to write more in the coming weeks, about architecture. Stay tuned.
